Disguise

Kicking off the new year

Tuesday, January 20, 2009 // 1:49 AM

Well this is pretty random, a blog. I have the feeling i wont keep this up, nor will everyone ever read it.

I guess i should start off with the basics...

Im 16 years of age and I'm currently about to commence Year 12 VCE at Chisholm TAFE. Ive been a brunette all my life but recently my 13 month relationship was ended and i felt i needed a change (ill go into more details soon) so now im platinum blonde. I'm warning you in advance that i will prob refer to my ex boyfriend quiet a bit (I'm not completely over him yet unfortunately). I live with my nan and grandpa as my parents are split. I recently got a job at KFC but i haven't started yet. I'm not a skinny girl and I'm trying my hardest to change that, 3 kilos so far after a month so I'm pretty pleased :D

Ive just come back from a holiday to Perth to visit my aunty and i wish I could stay there forever. Its so beautiful compared to Melbourne and the weather is hot but in a nice way. Ive gotten a bit of a tan so i wont have to pull out the can for a while. I got to see the dolphins and go shopping so i had a ball.

Last year I attended HPSC and have since I was in year 8, its a great school and I'm sad that I had no choice but to leave. The reason for that is because of the break up. I met this guy (lets call him Bob) halfway through year 9, who was my co-ordinators son. And despite that I developed the most massive crush on him, and vice versa, but we both didn't act upon it for months and months. I recall one night chatting away on MSN and I was about to confess to him how I felt, but I chickened out and changed the subject, which he picked up on. The next day he refused to look me in the eyes and wouldn't speak a word to me. Everyone had had suspicions about his sexuality so obviously I was crushed to have fallen for a 'gay'. Then eventually he confessed that he felt the same way but he was afraid of what would happen afterwards (he had never been in a relationship before, nor had a girl ever liked him before) so we stayed as friends for a while until i worked up the courage to ask him out. We went out for 2 months or so but broke up as you do at the age of 15.

In between the first break up I had managed to nab myself a new boyfriend, go through him and find a really nice guy up in bendigo who i was 'seeing' but not in a relationship with. I lost my virginity to him and I don't regret it one bit.

Anyway no less than 6 months later the feelings we had for each other were impossible to ignore and we began round 2. This time was certainly more blissful despite the fact we didnt kiss until 4 months into the relationship as he had never been kissed, or even hugged another girl before unless it was forced. I have to say those 4 months was so difficult. I felt single as i only saw him at school, and I go out every weekend so my life was basically no different. Im ashamed to admit that I did cheat on him. about a month into the relationship I saw the Bendigo guy again and stuff went on, and about 3 months into the relationship I was ready to call it quits (come on wha person can stay in a relationship that their partner wont even kiss you or hold your hand) and I met this really sweet guy who I was infatuated with, we hooked up and I was ready to call i quits and I think Bob saw this because the next thing I knew he was all over me all the time and our relationship got so much better from there. Anyway a few days before our 1 year Bob and I had a huge fight and we broke up, only to take it all back 5 seconds later crying on the phone, but things were different after that. It was if i was constantly reassuring myself that we were ok, and I was constantly worrying we would break up again.. and after a while we continued fighting and the influence from our friends was 'break up its not worth it' his friends and my friends hated the other person so it wasn't long before the influence eventually broke us up on the last day of year 11.

So thats why Im not going back there, all my girl friends have dropped out to work or go to TAFE and do a course, so I thought why not? So many people hate me at HPSC so I may aswell start fresh and finish year 12 away from the childish B.S.

Me and Bob dont talk anymore. I txted him at few days after the break up to end the relationship properly.. telling him he can have his stuff back and ill keep my mouth shut about his embarassing secrets only I know, and all I got back was insults about how 'disgusting I am' and how im a 'slut' who doesnt deserve anything. So he hates me, but I have no use in hating him. Sometimes I wish I could hate him, just to make not having him easier, but not everyone gets what they want.

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